Hello, Weight Watchers! How did you Move More this week? Activity has so many benefits beyond weight loss - lower blood pressure, reduced pressure on joints, elevated mood, lower LDL cholesterol, higher metabolism, just to name a few! I know it can be hard to make the time for activity, but find ways to sneak it in, make YOU a priority, and make it enjoyable!
Dear Diary,
For my 50th birthday, my husband, the dear, purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I'll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep this diary to chart my progress...
Monday: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth the effort when I arrived at the health club and found Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God! with blonde hair, dancing blue eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!
Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me!!!
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or to stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other useless sh** too!
Thursday: Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes! Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. He sent Lars in to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine, which I promptly sank!
Friday: I hate that son-of-a b**** Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader wanna-be! If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it! Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!!! And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me the %&$#&%&# barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich! (which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude!)
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach of the choir director?
Saturday: Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrill voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the *&$%^$& weather channel!!!
Sunday: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun---- like a root canal or hysterectomy.
HEALTHY TIP FOR CHEAP OF THE WEEK
Pre-portioned foods are a godsend, but often a LOT more expensive than their bulk-packaged cousins. Invest the $40 in a food scale that you'll get tons of other use out of and make your own pre-portioned snacks with sandwich baggies.
♫ ♪♫♪ ARTICLES OF NOTE ♫ ♪♫♪
Many people turn to food for reasons other than actual hunger, because they associate the experience of eating with the sensation of comfort. It's easy to see how this can sabotage weight loss and maintenance, and how it can lead to weigh gain. If hunger isn't the question, food is not the answer - find out some better solutions at this week's meeting!
Have a great week, everyone! I'll see you at your meeting.
Cyndi
Hunger is the best sauce.
--Cervantes
The random ramblings of a Weight Watchers leader.
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The ability to constantly redefine success is one of the surest means of becoming successful. Success is a habit. So is failing. A dynamic definition of success, one that takes into account the reality of the moment, is far more effective in establishing the habit of success than is an inflexible definition.
--John Bingham, The Courage to Start
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